In the next scene, a father and son replica reduced to attack and defense.
Dad: »Stan, do not you should not have to mow the lawn today? You know that this is one of your responsibilities. »
Stan: »I could not do it, because it did not find oil and greased the mower.»
Dad: »Well, razdobud oil and do the job tomorrow. And, please, do it right the first time. »
Stan: »What does it mean to do it right the first time? When I mow the lawn to our neighbors, they think I do well with the work, and pay me without any delay. »
Dad: »Do not talk back to me, young man, the last time youcareless mowing our lawn, and all you had to redo twice. Just do the job properly the first time, that's all I wanted to tell you. »
Stan: »Make as it should! No one can do the job well enough to not cause you have complaints. »
Dad: »If you're going to do, how to be the first time, I'll stay happy.»
Stan: »Well, of course! Do you remember when a good school, I received a letter, you asked me how it was that two evaluations of children were even better! I have not yet achieved perfection, you know? »
Dad: »Watch your language!»
Stan: »Why are you always yelling at me? The rest is always getting away with it, and you're never without a word those loafers! »
Dad: »You're wrong, and he is well know it!»
Stan: »I am telling the truth!»
Dad: »Stan, immediately take it back and do not you dare talk to me like that. You are wrong and must immediately admit it out loud. »
Stan: (Silent).
Dad: »Stan, I just with you, and you apologize right now.»
Stan: (Icy silence).
Dad»If you, in addition to poor performance will talk back to me, I will confine you to the entertainment for a week. Immediately ask for forgiveness, or else you will be punished. »
Stan: »Here you see! They never punish you, just me! »
Dad: »Well, that's that, the more I do not intend to tolerate it. Marsh in his room. I will not let you be rude to me. »
Stan: (Loud stomping, walking down the hall, and that there are forces slams the door of his room).
Dad (Shouting in the lobby): »For this you will be punished for another three days.»
Note that the original problem, the lawn has been given cursory attention. Since father and son attacked each other and both defended their views and opinions, they almost nothing is decided.
Они ушли от первоначальной темы и стали спорить, хорошо ли Стэн косит лужайку, затем обсудили соседей и их оценку работы, потом стали говорить о том, можно ли угодить папе, а затем перешли к теме других детей и любимчиков (возможно, у папы и нет любимчиков, но Стэну так кажется). Когда люди быстро перепрыгивают с одной темы на другую, это безошибочно указывает на плохое общение. Разговаривать в таком ключе — все равно, что швырять в кого-то камнем, потом пытаться уклониться от камня, летящего в тебя, и одновременно искать еще один камень, чтобы швырнуть его в собеседника. Отец и сын слушали только начало реплик, в которых оба давали отпор или извергали потоки негативных эмоций. Никто из них не уловил главный, скрытый лейтмотив разговора «кто здесь главный?» или «кто сумеет не уронить своего достоинства?» Все реплики оставались на уровне content information, but neither Stan nor his dad did not try to deal with negative emotions such as anger, frustration, and others. The hostile attacks and counter-accusations rained down as if from a cornucopia.
Due to the fact that the father and son did not adhereTopics of conversation and did not try to analyze your feelings, they parted with even more heavy burden of unresolved problems and unexpressed emotions. Stan left feeling humiliated, angry and hostile. He found justification for their negative emotions: in the end, »» Who would not be angry at the man who kept yelling at you »On the other hand, my father came to the depressed mood and angry because of the fact that the son does not want to obey and throws! challenged him. He also justified his negative emotions: »Well, what else can you do with this guy? He needs a steady hand »
And what is the result? Stalemate to mutual disappointment, although it could have been avoided. Everyone there was ample opportunity to listen to the word and, more importantly, to understand the emotions that are hidden behind them.
Five-year Anna Marie brought from school ringthat she did not belong. First, she said that the ring »gave» her to one girl. After careful questioning, finally, it became clear that Anne-Marie had found it in a trash can at the school.
A few days after this incident, Anna-Marieasked if she could talk to her mother after dinner, Mom agreed, and they went into the room of Anne-Marie, where the girl confided that he wanted to talk about »different things», and the conversation took place. They discussed her friends, school, teacher, with whom she had an awkward relationship - all this mom knew, but the ring ...
