Recently, I spoke with the mother of fifteenmonth old girl, concerned about the fact that her child is not yet finished talking phrases. I was blown away watching their conversation. Just think of how strained the poor little girl, trying to understand what is wanted from her mom! Too great was the gap between its capabilities and expectations of the mother.
You can not »ahead of time», it is impossible to teachsuckling read - learn to read in elementary school. It makes no sense to instruct youngster how to go on dates - dates will begin only in adolescence. It is impossible to master certain types of motor skills as the child matures physically and get stronger his nervous system. It is necessary to wait for the lessons that hour.
Дети не станут лучше от того, что вы будете изо всех сил торопить их научиться тому или другому. Родители, все время подталкивающие и подгоняющие своих детей, гораздо больше сосредоточены на самих себе, своей гордыне и самоудовлетворении, нежели на благе ребенка. Дети не всегда готовы к тому, чего мы от них требуем, и мы причиняем им вред, когда требуем чего-то сверх их сил. Апостол Павел пишет коринфянам: «Я питал вас молоком, а не твердою пищею, ибо вы были еще не в силах, да и теперь не в силах» (1 Коринфянам 3:2).
В целом развитие ребенка достаточно жестко определено временными рамками. Рассмотрим нормальное «расписание» развития.
In the first year of life the child communicateswith his parents and learns to trust them. It should be understood as good for him being in a relationship with other people. As the baby gets used to secure attachment, he develops physically and intellectually. In the first year of his life, almost all his needs are satisfied, and he needs only to understand what he wants. And remember: love is never enough. Take the child in his arms and comfort him when he cries. Try to meet all his needs at an early stage of life, when he is helpless and completely dependent on you.
Где-то на втором году жизни закладываются элементы дисциплины и первые навыки речи. Ребенок постепенно становится отдельным существом, он делается более подвижным, начинает ходить. Теперь он сталкивается с границами, в его лексиконе появляется слово «нет», и родителям приходится как-то реагировать на это «нет». Родители по-прежнему должны все время находиться рядом, пока ребенок учится самостоятельности: он будет постоянно возвращаться к ним, пополняя свои резервы надежности. Не оставляйте ребенка одного, но давайте ему возможность и время, чтобы испытать появившуюся независимость. Когда он отходит чересчур далеко или пытается сделать то, что вы ему запрещаете, устанавливайте границы. Помните: ребенок еще учится, ему нужен достаточно большой опыт, чтобы понять, что он делает не так, наказывать его еще рано.
Soon the child will find that you do notready to satisfy all his desires, and then he will have to come to terms with the new rules and greater discipline. Children start to absorb the fundamental principle of morality, as well as the differences between the sexes. The game takes center stage in their life, it is their »work».
В эту пору детства очень важно общение со сверстниками. Ребенок учится жить в коллективе. В школе он быстро осваивает как различные навыки, так и поведение в социуме.
Rules of Conduct, and many new skills and activities children should learn not only at home but also abroad.
Adolescence - it's almost a new life, it isanother level of independence. Awakens sexual interest, start dates, are the relations with the other sex. Teenager re experiencing their ethical attitudes, values and concepts. The peer group exerts a powerful influence on him, parents must not only teach the child, but also gradually release it from itself.
Различные задачи, возникающие на каждой стадии развития, отражены в приведенной ниже таблице.
|
ВОЗРАСТ |
TASKS |
|
Infancy |
Confidence |
|
Addiction |
|
|
Attachment |
|
|
Physiological development (Food and rest, height) |
|
|
The ability to navigate and find the object of affection |
|
|
The ability to receive comfort from an external source |
|
|
Confidence |
|
|
Addiction |
|
|
Attachment |
|
|
Раннее детство |
The rapid physical development and interaction with the environment
The increasing mobility, crawling, and then the ability to walk
Exploration of the environment arising curiosity
The first skill use and understanding of language
Развитие способности замечать и признавать границы
At the end of the realization that defiance is useless
Increasing independence and separation
Setting rules |
|
Junior School |
Display of game skills, abilities, such as sports, art, music
New skills and interaction relations in society
Развитие интеллекта
The habit to follow the rules even in the absence of authority figures
Развитие моральных и духовных качеств
Respect for other people and their property
Getting sex education |
|
boyhood |
The need to integrate the changes in your body as it is manifested adult physiological quality
The awakening of sexuality
Расширение системы этики, включающей теперь и область секса
The inclusion of moral education principles and the ability to comprehend the principles, not only to the rules
Changing the relationship with his parents in accordance with the increase in maturity
The growing independence
Strengthening of communication skills with the opposite sex, first dates
Further development of the talents and abilities found in the previous stage of development
Most focus on individual features and abilities
Check values and self development
Selection of peer group
The strong influence of peers and the ability to deal with them
Preparation for independent life outside the home |
From children can not demand too much in part because, in the process of solving each of these problems there are of »critical window» of time.
It is common knowledge that children need to go through these stages of development at an appropriate age, as a »window» opened within the specified time of a child's life.
For example, some parts of the brain are developing only at a certain age, and the child is required corresponding to the age of experience, which coincides with the physiological changes in the brain.
For example, if the period depending on proximity andmissing or is lived at a rapid pace, then your child will be difficult to his »catch»; if introduced too late discipline, aggression gets out of control and becomes an integral feature of the emerging personality. That is why it is so important to allow the child at every stage to be what it should be now, do not force him to be more mature. Each age has its own problems. As Solomon said: »Everything has its time, and under the sky while all things» (Ecclesiastes 3: 1).
Let your kids use the full time thatGod intended for their development. If the recipe is prescribed to bake a cake for an hour at 350 °, it will have the oven for an hour and not a minute less. So put your child some time to go through all stages of development. Eager parents try to shake maturity before the baby is really mature but unripe fruit is not very tasty. Do not rush a child, enjoy the process of growth and gradually gaining maturity. How many grieving parents that children grow up too fast. You do not have time to look back as your children become adults. So enjoy the life with them, until they have grown!
