Mutiny on the ship
It is understood that a long walk under guard nonefree man can not. And if someone in the home kept to himself and each »fundamentally important» question is answered excuses, it means that your concern into a control. It is no good does not lead: after the tenth call to work a man thinks that he is not trusted (and not to mention the verification of personal correspondence!), And refuses to be a little boy under the heel. Start a war, and under the shelling of rudeness, secrecy and silence relations collapse.
On the control-freak too, is not necessaryrely on universal love: someone like feel gouging against a background of »excellent pupil»? Yes, and to be a leader it is not easy. It would be better to follow the strategy, but it constantly interferes in all the tactical decisions of subordinate produces extra checks and finally falls down under a pile of cases that, in fact, it was necessary to transfer the staff - they were hired specifically for this.
Fearfully!
A person who seeks to control everything, and he often understands how to complicate life for themselves and others. But I can not do anything. Why?
»It is generally believed that the behavior of these peopledue to the lust for power, - says our expert - but the real reason - a strong subconscious fear. Supervisors are afraid of everything that does not fit into the usual way of life to them. Such events are considered hostile, and so devastating, and are out to protect his inner world from any shocks. »
The root of this lies in the global distrustpast. Perhaps as a child too often people hear »do not go», »do not» and never learned to expand personal boundaries. Or an adult has experienced a shock, such as the loss of an important person in his life, and is now trying to unconsciously »to err.» Both are Seriously problems. Instead of playing on the nerves of relatives and colleagues, it is better to deal with him on the couch with a psychologist.
Release the reins
And while you are looking for the right person, thatself-help program. First, ask yourself the question: why am I in control of other people? I think that they can not cope without me? They are incapacitated or so stupid? And if so, why would I talk to them (the question, of course, rhetorical, because you are unlikely to surround it such)? And here is another list, in case you are plagued mostly myself why I'm so afraid to make a mistake? What will happen if things do not go according to plan? I strongly affected by this as a person? Surely life is not over, even if you do get fired or reprimanded.
»In order to no longer violate the personal boundaries of otherspeople learn to build their own - advises Elena Novoselova. - Take time for yourself, when none of the household does not have to pull you ask not to take your things without asking, learn to answer no to uncomfortable request or not to tell what you feel intimate. » After that, it will be easier to respect the personal territory of loved ones - ask permission before you do something, offer, not impose help.
Strong internal barriers will help to sustainiron grip control-freak if they turned out to be one of your loved ones or colleagues. Let the buffer between you will be quiet, but clear, »No, thank you.» Let me understand this person, you're not going to live by his rules, but care very much appreciate. In the end, even the most oppressive dictatorship comes from a good desire - to make it better.
