There is another problem, which is not connectedfinancial problems, and more - with the financial changes. I have a very good friend of mine, whose father was a vice-president and earned solid money. Over time, he was tired of working and wanted to do something for the soul. It so happened that in the city was restaurant where things went bad. Father began to think about how to buy it and open his own restaurant, which has always been his dream. Before you make a decision, he had to think about many issues, the most important of which - the money. At the beginning of this venture would be slashed by half the family income.
I organized a »round table» on the Internet andI invited the children to talk with a friend of mine, whose father was planning to open a restaurant. Participation took Frank, 17 years, Chester, New Jersey (a friend of mine, which has been discussed); Misha, 14 years, Greenwich, Connecticut; Kalona, 16 years, Portland, Maine; Tom, 16 years, Manhattan, New York.
Frank: It would be selfish on the part of the father - to quit work to open a restaurant.
Tom: Why?
Frank: Because, if he decides that he should change jobs and lose a lot of money at the same time, fine. But why should I suffer because of this for a long time?
Tom: Yeah, man, it's rubbish.
Misha: One moment. Do you think he selfish. In my opinion, selfish - you.
Frank: ?
Misha: You like dad?
Frank: Yes.
Misha: Well, if you love him, you have to support him.
Kalona: Wait a second. Father is going to change the whole life of Frank, because it decides to throw the excellent work to discover some trifling restaurant. It's not fair.
Frank: Thank you. At least, at least one person understands what is happening.
Kalona: You are welcome.
Tom: And I told you my father, when told about the restaurant?
Frank: He asked me what I think about it. And I said, in my opinion, is the most senseless of all that he could do.
Tom: But he asked for your opinion.
Kalona: But he had to ask him. Frank - part of the family.
Tom: Should not. Selecting father might affect your life, but he has given you all that you have, and if he wants, can take away.
Misha: I agree.
Frank: But not me.
Tom: Look, Frank. I understand all that terribly frustrating for you. But do you really want your father suffered on the job that he hates, just to ensure that you can continue the usual life?
Frank: I dont know. We need to talk about it yet, but I think he is making a mistake.
This situation may be the most difficult to understandteenager, because the parent he decided what to do. This problem has not arisen in the family as a result of fire or collapse of the economy. In Frank's own point of view; for him it sucks, because my father made a decision that is not in favor of Frank. But it does take into account the opinion of Frank in the decision of his father? And if he should even have it?
Сами подростки имеют разные мнения на этот счет. Но в одном все мои собеседники были едины: если отцу Фрэнка не нужно было знать мнение сына, то и не следовало его спрашивать. Ребята считают, что если уж вы хотите вовлечь подростков в процесс обсуждения решения, тогда выслушайте их. Но если вы сами решаете, что делать, тогда дайте знать подростку, что у него нет выбора в этом деле.
However, there are guys who gave me clearI understand that consider themselves to be the number one in the family. But I think - and similarly believes most of the guys with whom I spoke, - that the family has a family. There exists unconditional support, and she - sided. If you as a parent to make decisions that certainly we do not like, we can express their opinion and their complaints, but then we have to go back to where we started - to support. And we are well aware that, when you give us a little time to adapt.
