From Pocono centuries happened that the whole weightfinancial responsibility and material welfare falls on the shoulders of powerful men, in a time when we, the women play the role of homemaker, in which a list of responsibilities includes:

• Creation of comfort;

• parenting;

• Cooking;

• cleaning the house;

• etc.

Once, one of my clients told me: »My husband is constantly delayed at work, take more and more orders and did not hurry home to help me with the education of children. What kind of selfish. » I spent probably a few hours before I could convince her that there was no manifestation of selfishness on the part of her husband is not here; he only performs one of the most important as the breadwinner of their tasks - financially provide for his family.

Always remember that every timeYou reproach her man in the tight money, he feels a sense of shame and puts its primary task to earn as much as possible.

By my advice often coming young successful people 25-30 who are simply afraid to start a family, because they think that it will stand between them and their favorite work.

One future father, Leonid, worked as a managerpurchasing department in a large enterprise, told me of his fears: »I'm not sure I can pay the mortgage this month, - the bank raised interest rates, but I do not know exactly how much money we spend on labor, suddenly there will be additional costs. I feel guilty that failed to save money in advance, because then we would not now face such difficulties. Also, I recently worked at the plant, all of a sudden I do cut? »By intonation, Leonid, I realized that it is inconvenient to tell me about his financial difficulties, as it considers its main task of ensuring the family, which, by his own I think he copes poorly.

Any father, being the head of the family is afraid that it is notIt will be able to ensure that his wife and child or even lose his job - it is this fear can motivate him to spend more time at work. As one my client: »The lack of work - an ordeal for the family. When my son was six years old, I lost a well-paid job. We had no savings, we lived ten months at a salary of my wife, until I found a decent job elsewhere. We both had a hard time, and I believe our marriage it was a real test of strength. »

Remember, in the last chapter, I said that thistheme is very delicate, and if your husband does not feel confident in financial terms, it is very easy to hurt hurtful remark in this regard. It was so in the case of Leonidas, but in spite of that, he happily waited for the appearance of his son, was interested in his wife's pregnancy and seriously preparing for the role of the father.

Many women feel that their husbands avoiddifficulties of childcare, but if they spend so much time not for entertainment, but at work, there is an occasion to think about the causes of such behavior. Maybe you have no savings, and costs are rising day by day? Or your husband mentioned that his company intended to carry out downsizing? Has your husband is more economical in recent years? It is possible that he just does not shy away from his father's duties and performs them as it deems proper and necessary.

Again I go back to talking about inChapter Two: You may think that her husband is not enough serious about the appearance of a child or escapes his father's duties, and in fact, he does all he can for you and your child, just his ideas about the role of different father from yours. Let's hear what the men themselves say on this subject.

»I'm afraid that if I start to leave work early, someone from nosy colleagues podsidit me, and I will bypass when the next increase.»

»The problem is not that I willearn less money or I demoted. If I spend less time in the office, you can just lose your job! And it means that I can not provide for their families. »

»My wife and to the birth of a child can not afford many of the things that I wanted, but now I need to still maintain the child. Which Sandbox and additional holidays can be a speech? ».

«Раньше моя жена тоже работала, и вдвоем мы прилично зарабатывали. Теперь же она сидит дома с ребенком, и мне приходится одному содержать семью, я должен в два раза больше работать!».

»I just got a raise. To achieve this, I did a lot, and now waiting for guidance from my return, I need to live up to expectations of me. This may sound selfish, but this work is very important for me to find a similar position is very difficult. »

I want to draw your attention to that manis not necessarily the only breadwinner in the family, women often earn as much or more than their husbands toi. The traditional role of the family in our time are often revised, and people live as convenient to them, and not, as was the custom in the community before. Nevertheless, even in today's world, man feels a great responsibility for ensuring the family is his essence. Stereotypes - a very powerful thing, they operate on a subconscious level. To prove this, I spent a fun psychological game at the seminar: split board in two and one half wrote »Father» and the other »Mother», then asked the group: »What associations you have is the word» mother » ? »I suggested to the group just shout them and recorded the answers on the board. Here's what happened:

— «Ухаживает за ребенком»;

— «Делает уборку»;

— «Готовит еду»;

— «Устает» (крикнул кто-то со смешком).

»Well, thank you, - I wrote down all the words on the board. - And now let us think that we associate with the word »father» »I went to the second half of the board and began to write down replica of the hall:

— «Зарабатывает деньги»;

— «Воспитывает ребенка»;

— «Защищает семью»;

— «Ходит на работу».

I wrote all of this, then stepped back from the board, andeveryone saw that we've got. Usually in the table can be ten to twenty words written on each half of the board, but they are all within the meaning of this match here:

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As you can see, these associations meetstereotypes, family responsibilities of men and women. This is what I say: do not forget about the existence of stereotypes, simply because they are and have an impact on men and women, somehow affecting the lives of every family.

Quite often, when the husband earns lesshis wife, he becomes the subject of misunderstandings or even ridicule, especially if he spends more time with the child at home than his wife. In this case, both he and his wife may feel like they&#39;re bad parents, but this is not true. And here it is important to understand that society affects the very stereotypes that your family may not have any relation. In fact, both the father and mother can both make money and devote time childcare. The main thing is that the child receives the necessary care for him and his parents to be comfortable.

Imagine what a powerful influencestereotypes have on the life of your husband on his perception of himself. Now you know that, despite the changes in the world, stereotypes about the roles of men and women remain the same, and they are very long and hard to change.