You are familiar with this kind of talk? Suppose you are a spouse and not inflame the dispute, like the Karen and Dan, but surely you will often find yourself on the opposite side of »barricade», trying to decide to offer your child a tasty morsel of consolation, or to insist on strict compliance with the limits. More often, you have to argue not with the husband / wife and to himself. For a while, you try to be lenient, but in the end even more angry with the child. Then in anger and frustration you are raining down on him all the thunder of heaven, and the child looks at you with wonder: what happened suddenly? That you are very dear to him, only too fuss, and then suddenly become the epitome of discipline, and here it does cease to be »nice.»

Who is right in this dispute, Karen and Dan? Which side in itself you should choose: to become a »good» parent, or »severe»? For centuries, parents arguing with each other, confusing their children to manage or grow very demanding to himself the boy and girl - totally irresponsible (or vice versa).

The problem lies in the separation of the twothe main elements necessary for our growth - of grace and truth. Choosing between them is not so difficult, much more difficult to reconcile them. We tend to follow either mercy or truth, depending on whether and with whom we are dealing. But for effective parenting parents need to learn how to exercise mercy and truth at the same time.

Let's define these two components of education.

»Grace» in biblical terminology means»Arrangement», »kindness». People full of grace and mercy, kind to each other, they are »for» man, not against it. Usually about grace is spoken of as »undeserved» gift, it can not »earn» - she poured out a free gift of love.

Grace has many attributes and forms of expression:

• kindness

• empathy

• forgiveness

• compassion »understanding

• care

• love

• help

Truth - is reliability and validity. This is not erasable time reality that God has woven into the fabric of His creation. Living in the truth, we act as it should. A person living in truth, ready to accept the reality face to face. The Bible presents us with many forms of truth:

• morality

• regulations

• requirements

• evaluation

• judgment

• confrontation

• discipline

• border

• honesty

• integrity

All parents recognize the importance of these forms.

A problem arises at the moment when thecomponents are separated when the focus is on one thing over another. So, in this example, Karen thought only of how important it is to show mercy towards the child, become a part and kindness, to understand how hard it have to deal with other children. She wanted to feel her love child, felt that the mother takes it for what it is, without any reservations. Then, as she had hoped, the son strengthened her love and the love of God.

However, the hurrying to show Jason Grace, KarenI forget about the truth, do not set the standard for his son, according to which he could live. He received a love without limits. Dan wanted to give Jason a missing ingredient, he instinctively felt that a teenager needs a more developed structure, discipline boundaries. When we go home, he provided him with all this.

The trouble is that Karen gave love without borders,Dan often only installed the son of the border, without offering love. He seemed too harsh, he thought only of rules and violations committed by Jason. As a result, Jason is increasingly estranged from his father, fearing his demands.

Что же будет с Джейсоном дальше? Пока предсказывать рановато, но и научные исследования, и Библия, и практика предлагают несколько весьма вероятных схем развития ребенка, при воспитании которого милость и истина разделились. Ребенок может принять сторону одного из родителей против другого, выбрать тот стиль жизни, который предлагает ему этот родитель. Например, если Джейсону в этом конфликте ближе мать, он скорее всего и во взрослой жизни позволит себе ускользать от любой ответственности, будет слышать внутри себя голос любящей матери, утешающей его во всех неудачах: «Все в порядке, Джейсон, все в порядке. Даже если ты не сделал того, что от тебя требовали, это вовсе нестрашно». Однако такой подход игнорирует реальность. Нельзя все разрешать себе. Наступит день — например, перед экзаменами в колледж, — и мальчик пойдет на вечеринку, совершенно позабыв про учебу

If Jason will take the side of his father, he would be alltime to feel the burden of conscience is too demanding, never be able to completely meet all its requirements, will constantly experience feelings of guilt, fear, and perhaps even hatred of their imperfection. Yes, such a person will not accept an invitation to have fun before the exam, but also in the middle of the semester will not go to the party, because it all the time to learn, learn, learn.

If Jason inclined to aggression, he will rise up against the severity of his father. This Scripture warns us, saying: »Fathers, do not provoke your children» (Ephesians 6: 4).

Chances are, like most of us, Jasonincorporates both sides - and mercy, and truth - and will go all out to try to combine them yourself. Sometimes he will »relax»; when will fail, overwhelm yourself with too much severity. One or another condition that occurs from the division of mercy and grace, is familiar to almost every one of us.