In this »world of sorrow» children from the very beginning we must learn to overcome the imperfections of reality in three areas:

• in themselves,
  
• in others,
  
• in the world.
  

Our own »I»

In the senior year of college, I volunteered to be the chiefbeginners: only when I myself went to college, I helped the chefs-undergraduates, and I would now, in turn, help others. Chiefs (we are called counselors) to live on the same floor with the newcomers and help them adjust to life in college. We even received special training - several seminars on the ability to listen to the other person and address crisis situations.

One day, returning from a class duringlunch break, I heard someone sobbing. These mournful sounds coming from the room of Matt - he left the door ajar. Coming closer, I heard his conversation with his mother. He complained to her on the phone that he had received bad marks for the essay, and his mother, apparently consoled him.

I've seen that conversation go help Mattfrom despair to self-confidence. He agreed with all of mom. Finally he hung up, I went into the room and spoke to him. Metg got a bad mark, and
Mama »helped» him to overcome this situation by stating (in unison with him) that the teacher simply does not know how to distinguish good work from bad.

The teacher was trained to »tooliberal East », did not appreciate Matt's conservative views. The guy immediately felt better after this conversation, and he invited me to play basketball. I almost puked.

Mother has protected Matt completely from the reality of its failure, putting the blame on the teacher's son, and instilling confidence that he is »the best.» It was just disgusting.

I have for many years had the opportunity to observeMatt and his family, and saw the play this scheme. The family did not accept defeats Matt. If something is wrong, you have to find someone to blame. Matt and his three brothers and then defeated, but did not learn anything.

The first reality that your child needs to get used to is the fact that it is not a perfect, he was weak, having a plurality of flaws person and
he will play in life, to bear the loss,to make mistakes. Somewhere in the second year of life a child begins to constantly deal with this reality. If he will learn to cope with it, and he will learn to overcome their weaknesses and imperfections, and if you do not learn, grow like Matt and will continue to wonder why the world does not see what he is good.

Acquainted with Matt's family, I understood why he was so. Mother and father made every effort to grow a »beautiful» children are a credit to their »beautiful»¹ family. But in this »wonderful» family children do not learn to deal with their imperfections, but because they were waiting in the life of a lot of unpleasant surprises when everything was judged not as they had hoped.

Let your kids realize that they are far from perfect.

Other people

Your children also need to learn that other peopleimperfect. Children wait all perfection, that is, they expect that others will fulfill their desires, will not allow any mistakes and, of course, under no circumstances will not cause them pain. So it was in paradise!

In fact, children see around many differentpeople as good and honest as well as bad. Will the your kids find their way in this world, whether they are ready to join it? Will they be able to distinguish between good people and avoid communicating with destructive personalities? Will the good people »good enough» for them, or your children will demand perfection? It is necessary to prepare their children to solve these problems, avoiding both extremes: to raise spoiled child, requiring each person full compliance with their ideals, or codependent person to forgive all and sundry any disruptive deviations.

Керри привела на консультацию своего семилетнего сына Энди, поскольку у мальчика возникли проблемы в школе: он не умел строить отношения с товарищами, точнее, не умел поддерживать отношения. Как только кто-то из друзей его подводил, Энди расставался с ним и больше никогда с ним не играл. Разочарование было слишком сильным, как-то преодолеть конфликт Энди не мог. Та же проблема наблюдалась и дома, в его отношениях с обеими сестрами. Энди не прощал людям ошибок.

First, children are showing such a scheme in the game,later perfectionistic requirements for employees, spouses and friends. That is why we consider very important feature of the character the ability to live with imperfect people.

Peace

Not only the child and the people around himwill be the cause of many disappointments - the very structure of the world, too, will be far from perfect. That rain will pour down in the midst of a picnic, started on the day of birth, favorite dog dies, it breaks a toy, the bike is stolen. In every way the world will prove to the child that he is not living in paradise. Many fall to his share of days, completely filled with unpleasant events.

But such is the fate of all the people, even the mosthappy. Your job - to help the child develop a such a nature that would allow him to remain happy in a world where so many reasons to feel miserable. This chapter shows you how to develop a child's character, able to overcome setbacks and loss, sin and evil in himself and in others, and in the surrounding world. Only such a character will allow your child to enter the number of people that Jesus commanded: »Be of good cheer: I have overcome the world» (John 16:33).