Yesterday your child was asked to read to him at night, and today he finishes College, finds himself an adult but still live with their parents. How long to keep their grown-up offspring? Isn't it time for him to "push from the nest" and how to do it better?
"PLEASE help me find the words for my wife, — speaks 45-summer Andrey. — Our son graduated from the Institute two years ago, but still sits on the neck. First, it's hard financially, because contain in fact an adult man, and clothes, and food, and leisure — all we only paid. The work is still not found permanent, something's bothering you or don't like. Periodically something would work, but then pulls on stuff, and the groceries do not even think to offer. It's just a parasitic way of life, irresponsible, he doesn't think about tomorrow. At night playing in the computer, then sleeps till noon, then ate and went to friends. I am not giving him money, and the wife still throws up. Arguing with her constantly on the verge of divorce. She believes that the child needs to stand on his feet that he's a good guy, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, just haven't decided yet. But we will be until retirement to help! What to do, I don't know. I can't lock the fridge! I think that after graduation the person already owes his very life to build, not so that sat on his neck and relaxed. I have at his age already had a kid and the whole family I meant!"
Big or small?
The QUESTION today asked by many parents. Especially those whose children will not become adults, responsible life. Sometimes this generation is called the "kidletime" (kid — child and adult — adult): these children have already reached adulthood, but it is not in a hurry to go to an independent life. A recent study showed that 3.3 million young Europeans between 20 and 34 years continue to live in the parental home. Of course, in our country, traditionally it is the other way and no surprise several generations, forced to live on the same territory. Late departure from the parental home due to lack of affordable housing, rising rents, difficulties in finding work for graduates. But many just like to live in the parental home — especially if family relationships are warm and close.
At
"It's HARD to FIND the best age when you can live separately, — says psychologist Tatiana Simonova. — Too much of our feelings, emotions and thoughts related to children. On the one hand, I want to support and protect from trouble. On the other, I want to do this so as not to interfere with the person to learn to make their own decisions, implement them and face the consequences. Lean on practice: to start, let the child to cope with daily tasks, from household. Can the young person to maintain order, to eat regularly, to monitor the utilities, to make rational purchases for the home? What happens if you leave him home alone for a few days? Tune in to what the first experience may be far from successful. It is important to determine at what stage potential problems you are willing to help, to what extent. Children are different, the rate of development and growth are also different. Some need only local support, and some need the feeling of support and near shoulder. When the child feels secure and Mature enough, he will willingly become Autonomous and will have to cope on their own. His need for independence is brewing as the next stage of development, becomes relevant, and he's ready to implement it. And if the child is not to interfere with this step will surely come".
Content:
1. When it's time to live apart (You read that section);
2. How to live together (http://www.of-md.com/ltgthr/);
3. And how are you? (http://www.of-md.com/chlvl-rlf/).
