When it comes to personal, we (teenagers) are starting to get nervous.
Мы разговаривали с отцом о наркотиках, когда он очень категорично спросил меня, курю ли я травку. Конечно, я сразу ответил «нет». Но он настаивал и расспрашивал о моих друзьях. Глупо. Я ответил, что не собираюсь разговаривать с ним об этом. Разговор вылился в огромный скандал.
Рики, 14 лет, Сидар Фоле, Айова.
Я узнал, что это одна из самых часто повторяющихся ошибок взрослых во время бесед о наркотиках. Поначалу меня это сильно удивляло, но я перестал удивляться, когда слышал об этом снова и снова. Интересно, какой ответ отец Рики хотел услышать от сына? «Да, папа, курю и очень много. Собственно, у меня есть несколько косячков с собой. Тоже хотел бы затянуться?»
I understand this is what parents want to knowmost of all, and do not blame them. But you know as well as I do, what happens when you persist too aggressive in wanting to find out everything. The transition to private - one of the most sure way to destroy any attempt of productive conversation about drugs. It shows that you do not need a real conversation with us. All you need is to collect dirt on us (but I hope you do not achieve it).
When you go to a private and directdaughter ask regarding drug use, she immediately took a defensive position, because every word she said could turn against it. The transition to private will not lead you absolutely nowhere. You just spoil the whole conversation, but did not know whether your child is using drugs. It's like a kamikaze mission verbal. Will not achieve anything, but all the chances to destroy completely.
And I'm sure 99%: when you ask any direct questions aimed at the fact that her daughter has given you, you always hear the same answer: »NO.» And I'm exaggerating. Maybe there's one in a hundred who will answer »yes», but I have not seen such and have not heard about them.
On television, there is a counter-advertising of drugs,serving: if you want to know whether your child uses drugs, just ask him. Greater folly can not be imagined. Imagine the following: you are at the airport and go on vacation. The clerk behind the counter asks you if you are to pack. And before you answer, you remember that friend you planted in her bag a small gift as a surprise and asked not to open until you arrive at your destination. You know exactly what it is absolutely harmless. But, if you tell the truth employee, you will be taken to a separate room, where the bag is turned inside out. If you're lucky, the Customs will contribute to you to ensure such inspection body, which you never had. You can also say nothing and continue the journey without any problems.
If anyone of you believe that would sayemployee that he did not collect things, then I do not envy him. But 99.9% of you do not want to involve in their plans for the rest of someone giving out unnecessary information that will put you in an awkward position.
Children look to direct questions to them in the same way. It does not matter that you often teach children to speak only the truth. You know that anyone - be it a child or an adult - not always say it, or at least not always want to speak in certain cases. Even if you have a child and honest, he did not have an incentive to truthfully answer such questions and to throw under the train without need.
The transition to private - a useless and counterproductive tactics.
The other day we talked to parents aboutdrugs, and the father asked whether the use of my friends. He called some guys. The residue was talking, I was forced to fight back, proving that my friends are not drug addicts.
Jocelyn, 16 years, Menomonie, Wisconsin.
Расспрашивая нас о друзьях, вы вызываете ту же реакцию, что и расспрашивая о нас самих. Если мы говорим вам, что кто-то из друзей принимает наркотики, мы думаем, что вы наверняка посчитаете нас также наркоманами.
Ребята рассказывали мне, что когда родители начинали расспрашивать об их жизни или жизни друзей, тогда то, что начиналось как беседа (или даже поучение), быстро превращалось в судебную драму, где дети выступали в роли защиты, а родители в роли обвинения. Если вы ставите целью заставить дочь-подростка почувствовать себя в зале суда, тогда переход на личное — самый верный путь. Если же вы не стремитесь к этому, то нужно найти иные способы для выяснения всего, что вам интересно в поведении собственного ребенка.
On an effective technique I learned from themselvesadolescents: this is when parents say about the situation in the third person. Talk in the third person allows the teenager to discuss the topic, without feeling the need to watch every word from the fact that someone is interfering with his life. Therefore, instead of asking, »Do you take drugs at the party yesterday?» A parent asked, »What drugs are now young people use at parties?» So you can learn about what we see, not putting us in a difficult position. In order not to move to private, according to teenagers, parents should avoid using the word »you», and replace it in general terms »adolescents» or »people.» Thus, parents might find out what they want, not pointing the finger at a particular person.
