I am sure that in the past you yourself have heard a lot oflectures from their parents and teachers. And you are certainly not like in the same way as now they do not like us. Yet my children continue to declare loud and clear that they continue to give lectures on the topic of drugs instead of more productive forms of communication - talk.
Interestingly, when children feel they lectured, parents believe that lead the conversation?
My mother and I were talking about drugs, or, better to say, my mother made a report on drugs. I could not get a word in, it just all this time talking to herself.
Keisha, 12 years, Palo Apto, California.
If you pronounce the teenagers, not lead tothey talk, most likely they will take this situation for the notation, what is, by definition, it is. If we feel that we are a real dialogue, we will participate in it. But when we understand that we preach, we are disconnected and do not hear the parents. Did I give the analogy is not entirely successful, but try to understand me: if you are trying to tame an animal, the most common technique - is bent over him and lower his head to his level, so that it did not feel fear. Once you find yourself on his level, you will not frighten him with his presence, and the animal feels at ease. Almost the same thing should be done with adolescents - need to come down to their level. When you reprimand us or worse - are talking to us, turning from top to bottom, we feel that you will put pressure on us. You create a gap between us, which is why we can not open up and maintain a sincere conversation. But when you act as an interlocutor with us, we are with you on an equal basis and, like a cat or a dog, feel much more comfortable. You get a much better chance to obtain from us an honest exchange of ideas and opinions. Of course, as a parent, you occupy a dominant position, but a frank conversation - it is not a good time to remind us of this.
On the other hand, I've seen a lot of teenagers,who defiantly talk to parents. And you know what this means: the parents even more upset and worry because of his child-know-all. Sometimes our actions are motivated by a desire to compensate with interest the fact that the parents so long to talk to us this way. Or we try to take advantage of where we see some weakness on the part of adults or parents do not pay enough attention to us as teenagers. In any case, I think it is impossible to achieve the end result, if any of the parties refuses to honest conversation. Even if you believe that the blame for this rests on your child, you, as an adult, are still required to correct it. Nobody wants to have a bad relationship with his parents, but if we do not want to adjust them, you have to do it.
