There seems to be a lot of discussions on the topic »Do not do it», which really never reached the goal because parents choose the wrong time and means to conduct such conversations.

I came back from school and sat for dinner. I could not even understand what a father reads to me a sermon about the dangers of drugs. I was barely able to push a piece in his mouth.

Joe, 14 years, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

Such an approach, in which adolescents arisesfeeling that their parents are suddenly turned into televangelists - one of the most common problems in communication, about which I have heard. Joe and many other young people with whom I spoke, complained that this approach is more like an attack than a conversation. I understand that this is one of the most difficult topics of conversation with the children, and when you finally find the words, sometimes they are pouring out you senseless flow of the excitement. But such tactics instantly makes us shut down that, as I understand it, quite the opposite of what you wanted.

I came back from school and sat for lessons. His father came into the room and said hello. He said he wanted to talk to me about drugs. I think he thought I accept them, so I said defiantly. Then he got the idea: if I defend myself, so I use them. I can only say, that followed the scandal. (By the way, he still thinks I'm - Colombian drug dealer.)

Daniel, 17 years old, Boonton, New Jersey.

Now you see how wrong the conversation startedcan put you on the wrong path, for which you were not going to go. And do not think that I blame the parents for this; a lot depends on us. We are very sensitive to such issues and, therefore, the conversation often does not work out. It seems to us, teenagers, incorporated certain protection mechanisms. If we think that we are going to criticize us or read the notation, we will pull out and stop listening. On the other hand, you can contact us in a way that we will feel comfortable and will turn into one big ear. After all, we are not a brick wall, which sometimes seem to you. And we can find a way. For most of us approach certainly exists, but there are some important things that can not be forgotten.

»Select a place where I would feel comfortable»

Sometimes conversations between teenagers and their parentsreminiscent of the play (except that they are not advertised, they have no intermission to eat candy with soda, and they usually have no final solution). I think the problem here is that most of the talk ends as a spectacle that you never want to see again. But there are nuances, through which everything can be different.

To prepare stage any goodchoreographer want to create an environment that corresponds to what happens in the play. No piece of scenery expires. The same thing takes place in conversations about drugs. When you lead them in the wrong setting, your words have no power. The fact that we listen better when the environment is compatible with us.

When my father first started talking to me aboutdrugs, we went on the train to South Carolina. Naturally, he started talking to me, as soon as we drove away from the station. By the way, the trip lasted eight hours. It was terrible - I just stared out the window and imagine that my father - only the quiet of a steam locomotive.

Bob, 13 years, Miami, Florida.

Bob felt as trapped. He was caught in a trap from which he could not escape, because my father and he were in a small room, where all the eight hours were impossible to get. Of course, he was right. Father planned this conversation at a time when Bob will have nowhere to go. Dad felt that his son will benefit from it, and did not realize that this is the worst of what he could do.

Many friends have told me that if you talk about drugs come with a limited time, they become more comfortable for them. they were useful for Selena.

The first time my mother spoke to me about drugs inthe car on the way to school. It happened in the first week, when I just started studying in high school. She stopped the car and said: »Selena, you start to study at a new school, and you can offer the drugs ...»

Naturally, I did not want to lead this conversation with my mother, I said that I'm late, and out of the car.

The next day, she began to talk for sixBuilding up the school. She did not talk about drugs all the way. At school, I jumped out of the car, but we got a nice and brief conversation, and it was not as horrible as I expected.

Selena, 13 years, Sigi Ellicott, Md.

Разговоры о наркотиках даются довольно трудно, и я понимаю, что место, где они происходят, имеет относительно малое значение. Но иногда вам следует немного потрудиться. Даже если вам кажется, что любая обстановка подойдет, для нас это не так. Если подросткам комфортно в их окружении, тогда они, вероятно, больше раскроются перед вами, отчего разговор только выиграет.

»Find a way to start a conversation»

Knowing that the conversation is likely to cause nuisance,it is unnatural, it is still developing it - this is the worst. Do not complicate your life unnecessarily. So that, according to teenagers, you can do that conversation was? I like to call it a »jumper cable»: something that allows you to prepare the engines for action.

»Jumper cable» is very important becausesignificantly reduce the awkwardness sometimes occur at the beginning of the conversation. If they do not appear as red signals that make teens more cautious: »Yeah, now it will begin regular brainwashing on the subject of drugs.» So, before you squeeze out: »How's about those Yankees? Oh, and about drugs, too? », One might think again. (I admit that it may have a very cool example, but you know what I mean.) All makes unnatural conversation too unnatural, and it is not possible from the outset. And resorting to a smooth, natural switching, you start a conversation in a way that significantly reduced the awkwardness and, at least, avoid unwanted discomfort for you and your baby.

There are two kinds of conversations about drugs: first, when you keep the conversation begun a teenager; Second, when you initiate a discussion.

When a teenager is about the topic itself

There were times when we are raising the topic ofdrugs and awaiting your information. The problem is that we are not always good at it. Perhaps we have seen drugs at school, or someone from friends talking about their use. It happens that we do not know the best way to contact you, so you begin to apply the hints in the hope that you will understand them. We actually want to talk to you, but we need you to pay attention to it. It takes the courage to voluntarily start a conversation on such a complex topic like drugs with their parents. And if it seems that you do not want to talk about it or do not know what to say, we can very quickly retreated.

Here is an example from the life of one of my friends.

I told my father that you're writing a book about communicationbetween parents and teens, and then he added that you work on the head of the drug. His answer boiled down to the following: »You do not take drugs,» I said, »No, Dad, what are you.» At the same time our conversation ended.

Willis, 16 years old, I, NJ.

A perfect example of untapped opportunities. In this situation the father would ask, for example, the question: »And what he writes in his book?» Then Willis would have told him about my research, the information that I got from the other guys, and that he feels . Even a simple »ahem» from the father might be sufficient.

But instead, to support a conversation, heinadvertently turned it. The fact is that it is much easier to build a productive conversation with us, if we are in favor of its initiators. This is the time when we want to talk, or at least carry out the exploration as to whether we can speak to you.

I know what Willis (this is not her real name) - do nota drug addict, but he smoked marijuana and maybe even tried Ecstasy once or twice. His father does not know about it, and my friend hardly ever talk to him about it. But I also know that his father has missed a great chance to talk with his son, and perhaps a lot to explain to him.

When we raise the topic of drugs, we wantthat you have a genuine interest, rather than simply were curious. For teenagers sincere interest in them parents - is the desire to spend on their children and learn what they think. A simple curiosity on your part makes us assume that you do not give a damn for what we think; you just tell us what is good and what is bad. And the problem is that there are wonderful connecting thread between us and you.

We like when you listen to us, and do notOnly look, and prove that in fact hear what we say. We like it when you answer us and to ask questions, but not as to extract information from us, which is then used against us. The main thing - is to just let the conversation take place. And you'll learn all you need to find out and be able to get to your own opinion to be heard, because the teenager would not have started the conversation, if not want to hear what you think about it.

But what do you do if a teenager does not start the conversation itself (and it happens more often)?

When it depends on you

Of course, not every child is goingraise the issue of drugs, and of course you can not waste time figuring out his intentions. Therefore, everything depends on you, as you begin to talk. This means that you need to find a beginning, which makes more sense than »How about those Yankees? ..», That did not work somehow willfully.

Here are some examples of »jumper cables»which, according to teenagers, it is best to attract their attention and interest chained without causing concern. Let's start with the most common and not intimidating, and then gradually move on to the private and potentially very complicated cases.