Say »Goodbye»

People meet, fall in love, get married orbreak up - all this is perfectly normal. But somehow, with nice stages we manage perfectly well, and the final transform their own hands in an apocalypse. We figured out what prevents us to disperse a human being, and found out how to do it without scandals and unnecessary pain.

From family to strangers

Paradox: people who used all the time thinking about each other, throwing things to do on the first request of a loved one, and could tell him what it's embarrassing to remember how to part sworn enemies. Stupid, illogical, disappointing, but in another way it turns out only a couple of thousand. Why is this happening?

»We all really appreciate the idea of familyhappiness and putting a lot of effort into, to put it into practice - explains psychologist Inna Khamitov. - And when the collapse of hope in spite of the efforts, we feel a great disappointment. » No wonder many perceive the proposal as a betrayal of the partner to leave, »I told him as much, but it ..!»

It is difficult to imagine that the end came a wholeera. Who are your favorite places, affectionate nicknames tradition suddenly lose their sacred meaning and are just dots on a map, words, deeds. You have learned over the years to open to each other, and now it all ceases to be relevant. Trust that you are a person presented as the most valuable gift you carelessly return - »take away, I no longer need.»

»? The outbreak of relations is no less painful event, hI mean the death of a loved one, »says Inna Khamitova,» but the latter is even easier to survive: this is the ultimate loss, you have no illusions: »I will change and he will return.» And when parting, there is a strange feeling: a person is alive, but not for you. In his world, your career achievements, newfound harmony and selfishness for 500 »likes» no longer exist. You are no more there, and this is the most terrible feeling in the world. Anger at another and annoyance can turn the final of the novel into the beginning of the war. »

This is the end, but not the end of the world

Sometimes we hold on to the relationship, even though it is clear,that they have outlived their usefulness. And if the reason is not in children or property, in fear of hardship and pain. We will not lie: they will be. But in the end will give more than take away.

»Pain is easier to move, if we remember thatseparation - trauma - says Inna Khamitov. - Take this as something natural, as payment for the transition to a new, no less wonderful stage of life. »

If part proposed partner, you will passall the stages of grieving: denial, the transaction ( »Give me a chance!»), depression. There will be a feeling of helplessness, and that's good, it means »wound» is delayed. This is followed by aggression and finally reconciliation. In order not to get stuck at one stage, do not repress emotions.

? The resolution to disperse is also not given easily.It is hard for women to be subjected to physical, sexual or emotional abuse: their self-esteem is already so low that there is no certainty in anything. We hope this is not about you!