It would be convenient in the process of raising children to rely solely on the respect of simple rules and common sense, and the principle of natural consequences. But it is not always possible to settle for these methods. It is sometimes necessary to resort to punishment. No child behaves so well (at least, I about such did not hear) that he should never have been punished. The punishment is especially necessary in three situations.
The first is the stubborn disobedience. You spoke to Katie about three years that she played in the yard and not run out on the street. However, the girl stubbornly goes to friends on the other side of the street. Since all warnings are in vain, Katie should be punished, so she learnt a lesson.
Secondly, punishment is necessary in cases, when it comes to the safety of the child. If you see that your child is trying to climb the fence to get into pool, you can teach him a good lesson, just saying: "We swim together, when mom and dad are with you; we do not allow you to enter the pool alone," and then a couple of times slap it. A similar approach can be used when the child's contact with any other potentially dangerous stuff; guns, knives, matches or poisons.
Third, punish the child when he deliberately defies your authority. Whenever the kid is not listening to you, you must shoot your mind out of autopilot and determine the motivations of the child. Suppose he forgets to feed the dog, loses a library book or leave your bike on the street, resulting in his stealing. Such actions, normally, are not a direct challenge to parental authority, but rather a consequence of the lack of maturity and experience. No need to punish the child for what he is a child and behaves as such.
However, if your boy (girl) challenges you and talks back, if he coolly and prudently prevents you, then you need to resort to punishment. Suppose you banned son or daughter to swim when you are not home, or asked not to come close to a certain place, or asked to wait at the appointed place until you teach them not coming. The failure of your request can be regarded as a daring challenge to your parental authority.
The sooner children begin to challenge parental authority. Usually when a child behaves defiantly, his eyes lit up, and you will be able to accurately identify that he tests you and tries to push to the wall. When a child behaves this way, he actually asks one question: "Who is the master in this house, you or me?" Parents need as early as possible to clarify this issue in the mind of the child, otherwise he will constantly test them in the years to come. Over the years, such checks will become "more serious", and you will find it increasingly difficult to cope with the children because they will try as far as possible to go beyond the boundaries that you have defined for them.
There are three main methods of punishment; if the disobedience of a child is not a direct challenge to your parental authority, then the first two are preferred.
Eisenia. This refers to the withdrawal of the environment that is important for the child, or restricting access to it for things. Suppose your five-year-old kid writing something on the walls with markers. Since the natural consequences for this kind of misconduct does not exist, you must choose some arbitrary punishment, for example, tell him: "David, you've grown up and obliged to understand that writing on walls is impossible. You gave up pens for a few days. This will help you remember what to write on paper, not on walls. Here's a rag, here are the special detergent, please wash the walls with all their inscriptions".
Try to make the deprivation had something to do with the nature of the misconduct. If Maria leaves the bike on the track leading to the house, whereby father has not been able to put the car, take away the bike. If children argue and fight, playing some kind of game, depriving them at the time of this game. However, depriving the child of ka-koi-important things for him, define appropriate dates. It was not appropriate to deprive a child of five TV's a month, the punishment will be meaningless for him, and he will have no incentive to improve, to be able again to watch TV. But is it right to deprive him of TV for a few days — this is a good incentive to improve behavior. The child understands the propriety and justice of such punishment.
Insulation is another method of punishment. The child can send to his room, put in a corner or forced to sit on a chair. Frustrated nine-year-old Barry interrupts the play with the neighborhood kids. The mother might say to him: "I can see you don't get along with others. I am very upset from the fact that the children hit each other, commanding the other children and pushed. I'm sending you to your room and play there alone until, until you tell me what will continue to monitor their actions."
My mom took the sentence "open" — once the behavior Barry will change for the better, he will be able again to join the game. Your child should not have the feeling that he always have to sit in my room. You are not quarantining him in a "home prison" from other children, but punished temporarily to change for the better his behavior. Let the boy understand that, as it will improve behavior and will be able to play normally with other children, you cancel the punishment.
Spanking — another kind of punishment for disobedience; it is sometimes necessary, if nothing else helps. Most parents are hesitant to admit that the main objective that they pursue, Rollin ' baby, is to give vent to their own frustration. Almost all parents who have ever lived and living in this world, be upset, seeing the mischief of a child, angry, worked up, and as a result of reckless beat their child. Spanking can calm the parent, but what about the child? If the parents treat the adopted child cruelly, in his heart can quickly flare up a feeling of hostility and resentment. If the parents yell at the child, emotionally or beating him mercilessly flogged for past failures and mistakes, they serve it a bad example to follow. Between such parental cruelty and proper disciplinary methods the whole ocean.
However, if the child lowers his head, clenches his fists and dare to challenge the parent call, parent must ask him a good spanking. In this case it will be the right response. Parents should not allow their children even once to take the upper hand over them. If love to spank a child, it can teach a valuable lesson, but in a state of anger the parent cannot be loving and is not able to rationally argue. Perhaps he'd better go to another room to calm down and only then to punish the child.
Too often the punishment and criticism go hand in hand. We scold the child, read him sermons and paste on it the label of "bad", trying to fix it. Such punishment rarely leads to correction, it only humiliates the child. As punishment enough to stop disobedience, it does not need to call the child bad or to let him feel that he is worthless, And once it will give you an idea of what he wants to change his behavior, let him again to enjoy all the benefits of the family, not to mention in
his address is any humiliating or prestizowego words.
Sometimes parents admit that spanking does not bring the desired result. This usually happens for the following reasons:
1. Inconsistency is the main problem parents. Today, they condone the bad behavior of the child and punish him tomorrow for the same offense. The child in this case, it is difficult to understand that his behavior is not acceptable, since once the misbehavior, he gets away with, and at other times not,
2. A wayward child. Some children are extremely capricious. In our classes we often ask parents who have wayward children, and usually half or more of the group raises his hand. Wayward child regularly to repeat his offense, if only to take precedence over the parent. Even if it so more regularly punished for the same offence, he continues to defy father or mother. Such a child is trying to overcome the parents. In this case, they need to tune in for a long and intense struggle, they must become stronger, more consistent and patient, and firmly decide to hold out longer than the child and overcome his stubbornness. Difficult to deal with a willful child, but if you make daily efforts, in the future it will be possible to reap great rewards.
3. Delayed reaction Parents often do not pay attention to the small stuff kids. A few months later there comes to them that yesterday's minor prank turned into a serious problem. Trying to rectify the situation, they begin to fight with the child, often smack him, but I don't see any positive changes. Such parents need to remember that bad habits develop deep roots. Maybe they will manage to eradicate them, but it will take a lot of time and patient, consistent efforts. The child may need time to learn that the parent will no longer tolerate bad behavior on his part.
4. Painless slaps. Some parents are afraid to beat a child because you don't want to hurt him. But if he's not, then it is better not to whip him! Resorting to flogging, you are using pain and as punishment and as a deterrent. If the pickle doesn't hurt, hardly able to keep him from repeating the offence the Information you want to convey to the child, as a rule, will not be understood if he is wearing some diapers, thick denim jeans or wool pants, or if you spank him carefully and gently. Child in any case can not hit hard, but should give a good feel for what you want to say to him.
