I can say with full confidence thatParents almost no chance to show children the danger of smoking and alcohol consumption. And it's terrible, because over time, alcohol can be the most dangerous thing in a child's life.
Teens do not share the problem of alcohol and smoking: no alcohol, no nicotine are not, in their view, the drugs, so all of them should be discussed separately.
»Teenagers drink alcohol just for tworeasons - says Dr. Yampolsky. - This is different from adults, but they do not know that. They say: »Mom and Dad so do.» But where in the adult acts present social context, social atmosphere, teens drink just to take a drop too much, or as a self-affirmation. »
Indeed, while you, the adults, can allevening, savor a glass of wine or sip a beer bottle, a teenager that will not be limited ... we drink to get drunk. And it also makes me shudder with fear. I wonder whether it is in the teenagers see their contrast to adults, believing themselves to the rights as adults - no?
I also wonder, and if the children know that they alreadyshow madness (even if they do this and do not agree), saying: »You, the parents, can drink, knowing the norm, we are the same, cool teenagers, it is not appropriate» and also adding: »We do not drink so much.»
According to the research, which had DanSegrist, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Southwestern Illinois College, usually teenagers believe that drink less than their friends. In fact Segrist found that the average teenage boy believes that his friend drank twice: the boy who gets drunk twice a month, believes that his friends do it four times.
This is based on nothing other, as desiredI think so. »I do not have any problems with alcohol. What the hell, everyone drinks a lot more than I do! I know drinking at a party four servings, and so what? And all the other guys took seven or eight servings. »
Maybe this risky informationto try to talk with an experienced debater-teenager: »All I drink more? You see, this proves that I have no problems. No one drinks more than I do? You see, this proves that all teenagers are normal, and there is no problem. »
Every time someone tries to take bothhand, this means that the fault lies, and take advantage of this fact - the best in a given situation. As elsewhere, here the main thing - communication. Do not assume that you have not succeeded. We always achieve more than would have liked to adolescents.
On top of that Dr. Yampolsky points outhow much it means good example. »You need to be realistic. Company takes alcohol. But you can move mountains, showing the example of their own behavior. »
»Do not hide the fact that the drink - your child still learns.»
»Set a good example. Drink sensibly, behave reasonably. You - the main model of behavior for your child. »
»Continue to talk and chat. Set the rules. Be rational - be aware of what your child does not always adhere to the rules, but tell it to the realistic consequences of their violation. »
Рекомендую всем родителям пользоваться следующим правилом: скажите своему ребенку следующее: «Если ты находишься в ситуации, где в результате употребления алкоголя возникли проблемы — ты пьяны, ты на вечеринке — и дела принимают нежелательный для тебя оборот — тот, кто собирался тебя отвезти, тоже нетрезв, где бы ты не был, ты звонишь мне в какое угодно время, и я приезжаю за тобой. У тебя есть амнистия… на 24 часа. В течение этих 24 часов я не задаю тебе вопросы, не читаю нотаций, не наказываю. А после этого да, будут соответствующие последствия. Поступки всегда вызывают последствия. Но на первом месте — вытащить тебя из сложной ситуации, без осуждения и расспросов».
And now what concerns communication. I accidentally discovered that teens hear more than we want to. The daughter of my older brother Kyle told what happens at parties where teenagers try to drink as much as possible and as quickly as possible. Then they tore straight into the shoes, or they started to criticize their friends. The girl said that she hated all this, but she does not know how it would be possible to get out of this without dropping its credibility among adolescents.
»Why not say that you are taking antihistamines for allergies and you can not drink?» - I suggested.
She gave me a withering look classic teenager: »This is a senseless and stupid idea, which I have heard, - she said. - I would never go for it. »
End of conversation. After four or five months, I once went to visit his brother and accidentally overheard Kylie was talking with a friend on the phone. I heard the following: »I think I will not go to the party. I take antihistamines for allergies, and I can not even drink anything. »
If your child is using alcohol as aself, it is a very serious problem. Where intervention is necessary, expert advice, and all that this implies. Dr. Yampolsky points out that there is a clear link between alcohol consumption and failure to learn. All too often, parents do not understand this. We buy at teenage parties. We forget that even among teenagers have drunk single, hiding from the world in which they can not find a place.
Smoking, says Dr. Yampolsky, is another thing. Kids drink to have a drop too much or try to self-medicate. But they smoke to look cool.
»Teenage smoking is caused bythe desire for unity, solidarity. This is one of the most basic needs of adolescents, but they are not always aware of it. Polls among adolescents show the same thing. None of the respondents said that the need for solidarity with somebody to be the same as friends. »
You probably will not be able to protect your child fromsmoking. And also not be able to protect him from peer pressure. But you can point to this relationship and to discuss common problems of pressure from the outside. This should be a constant theme of conversations with teenagers, but the conversation should not take place at the level of »If everyone will dive into the well, you too nyrnesh?».
What works against smoking? Dr. Yampolsky emphasizes the following: intimidation tactics will not help. You can not tell your child that might happen to him in 30 years, and expect that he will appreciate it. It is best to find ways to force the teenager to see it is now unworthy. ( »Do you really like the yellow plaque on the teeth?»)
Hopelessly? All the children intend to drink alcohol and smoking, despite the best efforts of the parents? Statistics makes it take. But I thought, and this is what came to my mind: I, too, should be included in these statistics, where seven out of ten tried smoking, and eight out of ten have tried to drink.
Once, when I was a teenager, I triedsmoking. I felt sick, and I decided that it was not for me. I have friends with similar experiences in the use of alcohol. We tasted the time and did not become any more. But we should be included into the same statistics.
In the same survey the Center for Disease Control and Prevention also states that:
— 52 % студентов, по крайней мере, принимали спиртное один раз за месяц до опроса;
— около 33 % студентов принимали пять раз и более спиртное, по крайней мере, по одному поводу за месяц до опроса (т. е. принимали участие в эпизодической попойке).
This is frightening - and sensible - Statistics. But they are not eight out of ten. Not all teenagers drink alcohol. Not all teenagers getting drunk. And you have a chance to save her child. Do not leave attempts.
