Imagine living like a happy couple, already native people. And suddenly out of nothing or to completely fertilized soil erupted marital war. It can be frivolous, and even a short fun with quick and rapid reconciliation. It could also become a battle to defeat, which will involve missiles and offensive nuclear explosions of the charges. How to survive in this war, and even save a marriage? Of course, first is to understand why the war began.

It is easier to analyze a fight that became a result of long-standing conflict: once one of the spouses had a certain resentment. At the right time pair bonds were not found, and over time, this resentment grew into a giant problem. So in this case it is good that the conflict happened, it would have happened anyway later, only would become even more difficult due to the backlog of claims.

Another option: one partner suddenly appears in front of the other in an unfamiliar and even frightening. Due to recent political events, many of us are going through this on my own experience: in one family are people with very different views. Each partner of the other beliefs seem to be monstrous. Any ideological argument between them turns into a scandal. People don't understand how they could for so many years to live and not to see each other horrible shit. Indeed, during the debates about the future of the country on both sides speak very radical ideas, which is not so much about politics as it is about the cruelty, meanness, indifference, servility.

The unexpected transformation of the "white and fluffy" spouse "monster" can be two explanations: either you didn't know your partner, or roots to be found in childhood. For example, a person growing up in a xenophobic family, and when postroll, consciously chose a different path. But having experienced a stress, was driven back again into childhood and its associated views on life — and from a pretty liberal suddenly became a racist and anti-Semite.
Or was a person of long-standing psychological trauma, for example, punishment, humiliation.

And suddenly in adult life he experienced something, livening up a child's injury. It could give sudden personality change: the person suddenly became ill.

What to do during the conflict? You feel aggression, you categorically do not accept and understand you stunned. There is a universal tool that not only helps people with family scandals, but also the severe stress: it is necessary to sharply exhale, pause and then very slowly breathe in. If you force not exhale itself from his horror, he stays inside, absorbed in you, will spill into the blood. Get rid of it! Breathing slowly and calming down a bit, you can look around and understand what to do next.

What to do? The answer to this question can give only you. The main criterion is safety. Feel threatened for themselves and their children? Then run without looking back! If you value intimacy with your spouse, co-parenting, house, material well-being, you will remain with your partner. And will live as if nothing had happened, trying to avoid talking about explosive topics.

But if close not even not at home — because that's where you don't want to return is alarming, and it is necessary to analyze: what exactly ties you to my husband, why are you together?

Once you have created the relationship, because you had something in common. But over the years many things change: relationships, like people, are age. There is a period of harmony and happiness, but there comes a time to end the relationship, especially if one partner is developing, moving forward, and the second is degrading.

But even then, people often decide to stay together, because the foreground house and the children.

Spouses often have conflict because you just don't hear and therefore misunderstand each other. Then will the "translator" who explains to partners who that meant. There are even psychologists-mediators, who are engaged in it. If you are not ripe for treatment to a psychologist, select the "arbitrator" among his friends. It should be someone trusted by both spouses.
Besides, he is obliged to observe neutrality — mediators, therefore, cannot become parents or friends of one of the spouses.

If you feel that the relationship is very much cracked, but the divorce finally you are not ready, rasstantes for a while. This is very helpful! Let us recall that the statistics show that couples who rarely see each other because of travel, I live happier than normal couples.

It is necessary to disperse quietly, without hysterics and accusations. It should be a mutual agreement, not "slamming the door". The one who started the siding should then initiate rapprochement. Usually people are afraid suddenly to move in then it will be difficult. What is fear? Even if after a month you will realize that apart you better, this discovery will only benefit: it will become clear that, together you to do simply nothing. In the end, what do you live for: to be happy or to constantly suffer and suffer?

The phrase "I can't" a large range. So we can say about the "impossibility" of living with someone who has different views on something. But, first, life is diverse, and you and your partner can be thousands of common interests. Secondly, insights, principles don't last forever, over time or under the influence of circumstances our beliefs change.

Views are from the mind. But what is of the body, from instincts will not change. And if you "can not" something on a physiological level — is also good reason to reconsider the relationship.

But "not being able" does not mean "right to leave". For example, you are not able to fulfill the sexual desires of the spouse. Well, it happens. Don't need to alienate the partner. Listen to his fantasies, treat them with understanding — it will strengthen the intimacy and trust between you.

Physical intimacy is a great way to end conflict. If the couple gladly make love, to reconcile them will be easy. The proximity of bodies solves many problems. If the partners are estranged, will be harder to negotiate. And it all depends on more flexible spouse – most often the woman, she will make the first move to reconciliation, will find a way to soothe and please the wife, to call him a Frank conversation. And calm dialogue solves the conflict much better than good sex.

Usually men avoid such moments. They don't talk, they find it difficult to analyse their feelings and talk about them. In this case, instead of dialogue speak a monologue. Not sypte accusations, don't assign the partner and their conclusions do not apply pressure to his sense of duty: he was already in the world constantly needs, and so on it is a giant burden of responsibility. Better talk about yourself, about your feelings, about your pain, about the need for change. Ask for help and support. If you really couple, the husband will meet you.