Stacey has led to the consultation of his son Scott. She was concerned that three years Scott has not learned to »immediate obedience.» I asked my mother what »instant obedience,» and she told me that the church told her child must carry out all at once, as soon as he was told otherwise not be able to bring up his good character. I refrained from the temptation to ask Stacy if she always manages to »right the first time to do it right», but was blown away by the fact that it expects such achievements from his son.

Character education is acquired andincorporation. This requires experience, accumulated over time, and not just »knowledge». Incorporation of a new skill, habits, moral values ​​- this is a lengthy process involving a manifestation of ignorance and disobedience on the part of the child, his failures, and from parents - discipline, encouragement and willingness to train. The process is something like this.

1.
Родители знакомят ребенка с реальностью. Ребенок узнает что-то не потому, что он сам выучил это или ему это сказали; его надо терпеливо учить каждому понятию, правилу, типу поведения, пока он его не поймет. Таким образом, отцу приходится много раз повторять: «Мяч надо бросать вот так», а мать вынуждена твердить: «Не забывай перед обедом убирать вещи на место». Некоторые родители полагают, что ребенок сам различает добро и зло и что его не надо ничему учить!

As often happens, the child encountersParent anger at his imperfection: »How dare you ?! How could you ?! »Children brought up with anger, feel anxiety, fear, insecurity. I had to explain to Stacy that we should not in the first time she had something tells Scott and pulls it hard to talk to him, irritated voice. Scott often simply do not understand what the mother wants it.

2. Allow children to experience their limits when confronted with reality. Getting something new, children tend to fail. Mastering new skills, they can not immediately get it right. When you first try to shove food in your mouth can bite his tongue or cheek. The first cast the ball landed in the basket is not, and in my father's car hood or the window of the house.

When entering a new rule, the child does not immediatelyready to submit - it is inherent in the innate propensity to revolt. In such cases, parents should intervene and explain that violate the rule of »not good», warn some retribution.

Faced with the discipline established by the parents, the children are convinced that reality - it is something more than themselves.

3. Failure to convert. When a child is not doing its job, or receive the comments, he feels a certain emotion. Of course, if we are talking about a small failure (for example, the baby once again flopped), it may even go unnoticed. But sometimes failure or parental instruction is too painful.

Ребенок огорчается, сердится. В таком случае родитель должен разделить его чувства и сдержать их. Сочувствие и способность сдерживать чувства играют огромное значение в этом процессе, поскольку они восстанавливают эмоциональную связь родителя с ребенком и возвращают ребенка на сторону реальности и истины.

»I know, honey, you is difficult. I understand »- these are the expressions of sympathy, which you should have recourse. Empathy helps the child to determine the reality of his behavior. Anger or caused by a child's sense of guilt and froze, on the contrary, alienate it from the reality that it should be incorporated.

4. Help your child to determine the reality. If a parent fails to transform failure, if a child believes that he understands and loves, he realizes the real meaning of their actions. It will perceive the reality of the rules, concepts or a new skill that is required of him at the next stage of growth, it will continue to move forward. This reality will become part of the child. »Got it!» - He exclaims.

5. Поощряйте ребенка к новым попыткам. Для обучения требуется много упражнений. Чтобы приобрести новый навык, ребенок должен пробовать, терпеть поражение и пробовать снова. Ребенку нужно усвоить знания, приобретенные благодаря неудаче, произвести какие-то изменения в самом себе. И тогда последует новая попытка. Ребенок захочет посмотреть, чего же он достиг. Процесс исправления, усвоения нового знания и инкорпорирования повторяется снова и снова.

I told Stacy that she, of course, have the right to desire,the child listened carefully to her and obey her, but the boy still just starting the learning process. It should lead him by the hand along the way. We do not propose to encourage disobedience of children, sometimes insisting that they »do know everything.» However, the wrong and those parents who are waiting for the child to understand some rule or assimilated the idea of ​​obedience before he goes through the process of education - the same process that teaches the child to the parents so desired discipline.

Развитие характера требует опыта. Если вы впервые указали ребенку, как следует что-то делать, не рассчитывайте, что он тут же сделает это правильно. Надо вести его по этому пути, поддерживать его, когда он оступается, помогать ему обратить неудачу в опыт, приносящий знание и становящийся частью его характера.

Learning Stages - a concretesequence of events in time. That's why training is time-consuming and can not be done from the outside. Children need time to gain experience, parents - to correct errors and failures to convert the children. For example, Cayo Dottli orders: »Spend the ball between the defender and midfielder.» Tommy runs around the site. Cayo stops him: »No, not there! You swat! »Tommy feels the onslaught of defenders, stopping him when he tries to run in the wrong direction, do not put up a block (he is faced with the reality). He hears the cry of an adult coach. A moment spent on it, to »digest» the failure by a small dose of reassurance, go back and start over. He tries again. Now all is well, Tommy scores a goal. Next time Tommy already knows what to do, and does it without prompting Cayo. This skill becomes a part of him. The experience became part of nature.