How to teach a child to live in an imperfect world?

Прежде всего нужно заставить его увидеть реальность и дать ему достаточно милости, чтобы он мог принять эту реальность и двигаться дальше. Рассмотрим внимательней этот процесс.

Protest

When reality hit us, we allWe react the same way. First of all, we try to protest, »No! Can not be!». Recently a friend of mine died. When this happened, his wife shouted, »No! No! No! »And it is a natural human reaction to something terrible. This should not be! Life is not arranged! Where does this pain ?! And the most natural first reaction - to rebel against reality.

Similarly, arranged and child. First of all, it starts to protest hurt him reality. Having experienced the pain of loneliness, he starts screaming and crying to call her mother. Feeling the pain of punishment, he refuses to recognize the existence of rules. Having experienced the pain of disappointment, he protests against reality itself: »Why have I failed? I could! »Do not be the first response acceptance of reality.

Реальность никуда не денется

There comes a second phase of this process - no matter how muchargue with reality, it does not change, and if the protest will not change anything, the child must finally acknowledge the existence of reality. It was at this point is often hamstrung discipline: parents set boundaries, the child protests - and parents are alleviated. However, to the border was recognized that the child has learned to live with it, it should be fixed. In the story with Matt's mother helped him to »forget» the reality: it is too bad writing essays, and therefore can not rely on the high score. Cancel reality hinders human development. Mother to »remove» the reality, and Matt was no longer necessary to somehow change.

Good parents help their children to live andincrease in reality, do not push reality and teach children to her habitation. A disservice to their children have parents who are in a hurry to change the unpleasant reality. They show the children that pain and suffering does not »mandatory» that someone will come and settle everything. When Momma and Daddy is not around, the child will be taken for the drugs to get rid of the pain, which he can not cope.

So, keep the reality of defeat, punishments,losses. Do not embellish reality, let the children know it for what it is. If a child copes with the problem - well, if it can overcome the loss - well. But the reality has to be a reality.

»Digest» the reality

Next step: the child was convinced that his protest will not change anything in reality, and now he must »digest». Do you know of a school course of biology that the metabolism - it is constantly occurring chemical and physical changes in the body. Simply stated, we eat and then convert food into energy, and get rid of ballast. So the child is obliged to accept the reality, to extract from it a lesson and move on. He has to take all the good things from this experience, and to get rid of the bad.

For example, the child wanted to go to the footballcommand, but he was not taken, and he was very distressed by this. You need to show compassion, but not to rush to »save» him. Discuss the situation. That kid knew for myself?

Let him positively appreciate the pleasurewhich was exercising before this test, let be honest, the blow dealt him this failure, and may extract from it a lesson for the future: »In order to get into the team next year, I need to practice more and to gain experience.» As you can see, even the »bad» experiences can give us a good lesson.

Only love can help the child to take him woundingreality. It takes a lot of love to survive the grief, and love should be manifested in sympathy. Comforting whisper father or mother will help the child to gain reliability and accept the reality of bereavement, »Yes, dear, I understand. Of course, you're sad that you could not go to the movies with friends, because it is not just coped with homework. » Empathy - is an act of direct transfer of mercy, it makes our life possible is the Garden of Eden, it gives value to the test of bitterness and helps the child to return to love, it removes the sting from the wound inflicted by the loss.