In recent years, so much has been said about the mainneeds and privileges of children, which is often overlooked rights and needs of parents. As a result, mothers and fathers can not draw a distinction between the rights and privileges. Teenagers often require privileges, interpreting them as their rights following a partial list includes some questions that most families need to be clarified:
1. Родители имеют право убеждать своего подростка не общаться с сомнительными друзьями. The choice of friends - this is a common problem. Many parents think that one or the other guy should not communicate with their daughter and some friends knock their son from the right path. The typical parental response is to ban such relationships. The consequence of such bans become indignation, irritation and misunderstanding. Forbidden friends seem even more desirable, and disapproval will only cause your teen to hide from you his friendships. Why not offer a son or daughter bring their friends to his home? It is here that the teenager is able to compare in a friendly atmosphere. It is necessary to give him the freedom to choose friends, the parent duty is to intervene in extreme cases. Sometimes moving to another city helps solve the particularly complex issues.
2. Родители имеют право отказать своему подростку в пользовании семейной машиной, когда им она нужнее или по любой другой разумной причине. Ваш подросток будет иметь неограниченные права на машину только после того, как купит свою собственную. Разрешение подростку пользоваться семейной машиной — это привилегия, связанная с определенной ответственностью. Привилегия пользоваться семейным автомобилем — это мощный стимул хорошего поведения, и лишение этой привилегии не менее действенно. Но будьте справедливы.
3. Родители имеют право контролировать все входящие и исходящие звонки со всех телефонов, установленных и содержащихся за их счет. Someone joked that the most terrible thing - it is to live inhouse with three teenagers and one phone! Probably, on any matter between parent and child is not there so much controversy, as a matter of using the phone. First of all, limit the duration of all the phone calls. It is necessary to introduce reasonable limitations on the duration of conversations with friends and girlfriends. If teens can not agree on anything for 20 minutes, then it probably is not worth saying. Second, limit the number of calls in one night. In most cases, two rings for the evening is enough. However, you should show a little more flexibility, if your teen is involved in school or church activities. Does not count the number of incoming calls in two positions teenager calls if call is placed to five minutes. Demand that there was a gap between calls at least 15 minutes.
4. Родители имеют право лишать своего подростка незаслуженных привилегий. The teenager is old enough,that it can be flog nevertheless often necessary penalty. In this case, parents can find an effective mechanism of deprivation of a child some good. Perform your teenager promise to come home at a certain time? He calls you in a timely manner when delayed? whether it performs its work around the house without reminders and reproaches from your side? Whether he gets acceptable grades in school? Loafer teenager should not rely on privilege or receive them.
5. Родители имеют право рассчитывать на то, что их подросток будет хорошо учиться в школе, и могут настаивать на том, чтобы он отучился в старших классах. Is it fair to your expectations regarding the assessmentsteenager? Remember important not so much knowledge as the ability to use this knowledge to adapt to the world around them and establish relations with other people. If a teenager good abilities, parents have the right to encourage him not only to unlearn in high school, but also to go to college to continue their education.
During the eight weeks prior to graduating from high school, MarkHe told us that he wanted to quit school. We did not react violently to this trick, but gently asked her son to list on a piece of paper all the pros and cons of such a decision. After a long deliberation, Mark still decided to finish my studies. When he subsequently received a four-year scholarship to study in college, we have to place great hopes on him. Imagine our disappointment when Marcus dropped out of college, having studied only one semester, and did not wish to continue their studies. Having changed a lot in three years of work, he again went to college. Soon we received a letter from him in which, inter alia, stated: »I get great pleasure from learning here in college. The other day I accidentally missed one session due to an oversight, and angry at myself ... I think I'm happy here, because this time I want to learn, and I have found some meaning and purpose in life. I really began to get tired of aimless vacillation and complete lack of positive results. I just want to again thank you so much for what you have given me another chance. This time I'm going to use it. »
If we had a few years ago too violently reacted to his decision, he could not reach the level at which there is right now.