Реагировать на потребности

Родители, являющиеся попечителями своих детей, источником удовлетворения для большинства их потребностей, обязаны постоянно — и активно — быть рядом, чтобы удовлетворять нужду ребенка в близости. Родители должны быть настроены на эмоциональные состояния ребенка, уметь их распознавать. В раннем возрасте ребенок отнюдь не уверен, что кто-нибудь окажется рядом и поможет ему в беде. Он плачет и кричит от боли и недовольства, а для родителей этот протест становится сигналом к действию. Они помогут ребенку вступить в контакт с реальностью, заметить, что рядом с ним находится кто-то, кто готов утешить и поддержать его.

So, you need to understand the original stateChild: emptiness, lack of love, helplessness. Should be given enough time and effort to fill a child. It should be ready, to take him in my arms, cuddle, soothe, feed - depending on what kind of signals the child needs. In the first year of life, these needs are met mainly the child's mother.

If the mother is cold, excluded, then the childstarts to produce alienation. First he protests, despair, and then finally exits the relations. Inexperienced person may appear that not much is happening with the child. He even becomes calmer, less shouting. In fact, this is the problem - the child ceases to feel the need for love. He was removed from life itself. A loving, full of heat mother can prevent this disease.

In the first months of life all mothers attentionabsorbed satisfaction of his needs, women have to give up many benefits and pleasures to devote to the child all the time and energy. It's exhausting work, because it gives all that she has, the one who has nothing. Mother should in this period to maintain contacts with the loving, ready to support its people as its resources are completely exhausted and it will remain a source of emotions, so necessary to herself and her child.

Another aspect of the baby's needs - predictability. Kid still unstable, it does not own itsemotion does not know the reliability and security. Inside it there is chaos, there is fermentation. The constant presence of parents provide structure, gradually calming the baby. He is ready to accept this structure and find peace in it. He learns that there is in the vicinity of structure and order.

Variability in the behavior of the parents engendersanxiety or ambivalence in the child's behavior. Child a mother clinging to her when she leaves the room, and turns away from her when she returns. The trouble is this kid that he is attracted to, and unreliable person, even when the mother returns, commending his need, he does not believe that it is not going to go away soon.

Some parents perceive the manifestation of the firstthe needs of the baby as an attempt to command the whole family, they think that weeping and cries are an expression of the sinful nature of the child, his selfishness. These parents are not going to give »destructive impulses» of their child, they will feed him on a schedule, not when he cries. Thus they learn the reality of the child, that he was not trying to command that he gave the steering wheel his parents, obey the regime.

Разумеется, все мы от природы — эгоистичные грешники (см. Римлянам 3:23). Верно также то, что родители обязаны помочь ребенку избавиться от эгоизма, научиться принимать реальность, смиряться с ней и служить другим. Однако считать крики младенца притязанием на господство в семье — это грубая ошибка. И вот почему.

First, not every protest or appeal tocare is selfish in its essence. The Lord teaches us to ask for what we need, and even aggressively demand, like the widow, who knocked on the door a judge (see Luke 18: 1-8.). There is in us, and self-centeredness, and nested God needs. But we need to distinguish between them.

Во-вторых, ребенок должен научиться жить в этом мире, испытывать потребности, вступать в отношения с матерью, доверять ей. Он пуст изнутри, он совершенно беспомощен, так что не нужно приравнивать его к какому-нибудь диктатору, ведь он не о власти своей хлопочет, а старается пережить вот эту минуту в чуждой, пугающей среде. Родители, приписывающие младенцу греховные побуждения, наносят серьезный ущерб пробуждающейся личности, способности доверять и способности возмущаться, а со временем и самому отвечать за свою жизнь. Этот ущерб может сказаться и на физическом здоровье ребенка. Подчас рост и развитие ребенка задерживаются именно потому, что мать отказывает ему в праве испытывать потребность.

All this does not mean that the mother does not dare anyfor a moment absent from the baby or that the baby is bad moment to cry. On the other hand, crying will help your child feel that he himself is responsible for his contacts with the outside world, he can inform him about their needs. At the same time the baby will learn to deal with something on their own, for example, will he turn on his tummy. Let him pohnychet, trying to cope with the task, even if in an effort to learn a new skill, experience some inconvenience. It's much better than immediately rush to his aid, disrupting the formation of self-sufficiency. However, in general, need to meet the child's first year of life, when he gives signals that he is hungry, distressed, experiencing some discomfort.

Let us hope that in the first twelve monthslife the child will absorb a great experience to meet their needs, which will bring him to the reliability and predictability. Consoling baby, we give him to understand that the world - is not such a scary place. Now he can go to the next task - to explore the world. Then we teach the child patience, he himself will comfort themselves in your absence. This produced a certain discipline. You can set specific requirements, the structure of the second year of life.

Adequate response

The younger the child, the less he is able to accuratelyto identify their needs. That you have to guess what it wants the baby, and to satisfy his need. This you should understand whether small belch or he simply wants to handle, because there was one. The baby is impatient, you have little time to find the correct answer, and you have to be patient for the both of you. Yes, parents have to try everything to hold pens, feed, walk, shake, change diapers, to sit on a running washing machine - and the baby is crying all the time without stopping.

Later, you'll be entitled to claim from thechild, so that he himself formulated their demands and asked for help. So, when the girl eleven states that missed the girlfriend, it thereby announces his needs, but does not ask for help. If you call immediately throw this girlfriend and invite her to visit your daughter once again to make sure that it can get what you want, not deigning to requests for assistance. Much more useful to propose to her, »Let's discuss what you need.» In response, the girl can discover a deeper need - for example, to spend the day with his mother.