During my seminar in Las Vegas, I beganconsider reasons why parents refuse children favorable treatment. One parent once sharply and loudly interrupted me: »Why all this talk about the rejection of children? I do not know of any parent who would have rejected her child! »
A social worker, who was sitting at the other endroom, said to him with equal fervor: »Every day, I meet with a bruised psyche of children, because they are exposed to violence. I came here to testify that we live in a sick world, and many parents reject their children for various reasons. »
An interesting discovery made Ann Landers,a popular writer. From the pages of his newspaper, she turned to the readers with a question: »If you had to start a new life, brought to you kids?» Seventy per cent took part in this survey wrote that if they had known what they know now, would not want to to have children. Respondents were divided into four groups: 1) young parents, greatly alarmed by the overpopulation of the world and the threat of nuclear war, 2) parents who claim that children have destroyed their marital relations, and 3) parents of adult children who have left the family home and have forgotten about the existence of their parents or give them very little attention, 4) parents of teenagers, gives them a lot of trouble.
What other reasons or factors could lead to the rejection of the child?
1. Untimely. Many children are rejected, do not take, do not appreciateor do not like, as they should, simply because they were born in time. Perhaps the baby is born too early. Newlyweds were quite happy and have just started to know each other, when she unexpectedly became pregnant. An extraordinary situation may create great difficulties.
Perhaps her husband well things went at work,family financial situation began to improve, the future looked very bright spouses, and suddenly his wife announced that they will be born baby. Not that my husband did not want a child or did not like children, just a kid spoiled all their plans.
When the child appears at the wrong time, itIt can lead to the fact that the parents will reject it unconsciously. They reject the child, not for his deeds, not for some unpleasant personality traits, and not because he had the parents not roads, but simply because he appeared at the wrong time.
There may be other factors: the family, for example, large, and the child is a threat to the career of one of the parents, perhaps one of the marriage partners and did not want the child.
2. Разочарование по поводу пола младенца, If this is the first child and dad wanted a boy, aboutn just accept the fact that he was born a girl. Sex can be so important to him that he finds it necessary to reject the child as a girl and take it as a boy. Perhaps he will call her »my friend», give her a baseball glove or a soccer ball and the girl will push to ensure that she behaved like a boy
Within certain limits, it becomes inversion of the sexesjustified and normal father and mother sometimes permissible to change the role of their children, and there is nothing to worry about. But if these roles are becoming blurred contours, then the child is no longer understood, to which he belongs to the floor. He will ask himself the question, »What should I (should) be?»
Knowledge of gender - a very important partself-esteem, because the child will not be able to respect himself if he does not know who should be: a boy or a girl. If he does not know his role and place in the family, and it will not be able to respect yourself.
3. Not forgotten past. Ребенок, зачатый до брака, иногда страдает от отверженности даже несмотря на то, что его родители быстро женятся. Присутствие ребенка многократно напоминает им о совершенной ошибке, поэтому они отвергают его. Младенец напоминает матери, как «этот парень» воспользовался ее минутной слабостью. Отец удивляется, почему она не остудила его пыл. Чувство вины может привести к отвержению ребенка, и тогда ребенок обнаружит, что он недостоин, поскольку родители не чувствуют себя достойными. Они передают ему свою вину, потому что не могут простить себя.
4. Additional responsibility. Some couples are different such emotionalimmaturity, which is absolutely not ready to bear the responsibility of the parent. Tend to »do their own thing», they reject the child because he is worth the money, time consuming and requires a lot of attention. When the nurse does not come in time, and parents have to miss an important party, they begin to hate the child, causing such an inconvenience to them. They experience a rude awakening from the fact that they are forced to abandon the romantic holiday on a remote island, as they need to pay for the expense of three thousand dollars for dental services. As a result, rather than to have fun and feel young and free, they are worn with a baby suffering from colic in the abdomen.
These parents do not want to reject the baby, butreject it, but not because he is wicked and unworthy, not simply their lack of parental maturity, they do not understand that parents need to meet the child's needs, applying for their time and attention.
Other parents are so loaded with »hisbusiness »they have almost no time left for the child. Father has to manage their business, and it pays only son of the time that he is on the job, but in fact this time, as a rule, is not at all! Because my mother also worked full-time, both parents spend with the child very little time. Although parents say son, it is important for them that they love him, he begins to feel that he is on the three ranks below other family members. It will be very difficult to force such parents admit that they had rejected her child, and in the meantime self-esteem in their son has been steadily declining.
5. Unrealistic expectations. Many parents secretly disappointed mediumyour child's abilities. They hoped that rewarded him with unlimited talent and the potential for personal development. Many mothers dream to see the daughters of the famous and beautiful, especially if they were not. Realizing that their daughters are ordinary, they fall into despair and depression. These moms are rarely sent direct verbal communication, but constant calls »freshen up» or »often go on dates,» give the girls understand that they do not justify the hopes. Fathers who have never been a team or soul had no opportunity to go to college, nurturing secret hopes that his sons will succeed in those areas where they failed. They, again, do not say anything out loud, but their non-verbal signals sufficiently loud and clear. The son realizes that his father is going to specifically tell him, and feels that it rejected because it does not meet its requirements.
Such a child is able to thrive in certainareas, but if parental dreams and goals for him are not realized, the most worthy child may be rejected. He will grow with thoughts of worthlessness, so it does not meet unrealistic expectations of parents. But whether parents are entitled to claim from the child's symptoms brilliant abilities, if they do - rather mediocre personality?
6. Influence of family members. In some cases, relatives havepressure on parents, demanding that they had children or not have them at all. They dictate to them when and how they need to give birth, how to and how not to educate them. They are trying to dictate what religion should bring up the child, which school he should go, and so on.
First of all, let's say that my grandfather andgrandmother and other relatives can be an invaluable family treasure. Modern families suffer due to lack of close relationships with grandparents. Children are deprived of warmth, love, affection, experience and wisdom of the older generation. At the same time, mothers and fathers should not allow their parents to take responsibility for raising children. While Scripture teaches that parents need to read and impossible to forget, in the second chapter of Genesis says: »Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and will two one flesh. »(Gen. 2:24). Grandparents sometimes create endless problems by interfering with the relationship between parents and child. Think about the possible consequences. If you put pressure on the parents or the child, forcing them to submit to some preconceived notions, the result or parent denies a child, or a child rejects himself.
7. Social pressure. Некоторые господствующие в нашем мире теории советуют родителям иметь не больше двух детей. Других родителей сильно беспокоит всемирный голод, перенаселенность земного шара, пророчески предсказанные события последних дней или вероятность гибели нашего мира в результате атомной войны. Родитель, обеспокоенный этими проблемами, также может отвергнуть ребенка
Have you noticed that the main cause of rejection? selfishness - Is the basis and cause of every sin, misery,differences between spouses and split families. Trying to be more than worthy of their parents and spouses, we become more mature people, and it is hoped that we will reject their own selfish desires for the good of others.
